21 First Dates
by Wants2BeACullen
Summary: Bella's two best friends decide she has been lonely for too long and she needs to put herself out there. The three set up a Match (dot) com profile and unleash Bella on the eligible bachelors of Seattle. Drabble War July 2013 entry - M for Language - Humor - E&B eventually
1. The Set-Up

_A/N: Hello all, I'm the lone soldier in the July 2013 Drabble War. On with the show :)_

_Enjoy!_

_Amanda_

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Ch.1 - The set-up

Dear Diary,

I've decided to document this shitty plan my two best friends cooked up. Alice and Rose had decided I'd been alone for too long. They were both happy in their relationships and somehow wanted that for me too. I knew this comes from a good place 'cause, they just wanted what's best for me. I was just not sure this was the way to go about it but I was humoring them.

The plan was this: I joined Match dot com using the new email address that all three of us would have access to. We would look at the inquiries together a few times a week and decide who the lucky guys are. I would have to go on at least one date with anyone that was approved. They promised that they were serious and they would only set me up with potentials from the account if all three of us approved and they truly believe I could have things in common with the prospective date.

I had three conditions: First, was I didn't want my picture on the account so I would ask each date to bring a yellow flower with them and I would do the same. My second condition was that I would give them twenty-five dates and no more. Third was that the deal is off if I found someone I wanted to date exclusively.

Wish me luck. My first date is tomorrow with Tyler.

Sincerely,

Bella the Brave


	2. Date 1

Ch. 2 - Date 1

Dear Diary,

Tonight I went out with Tyler. We decided to meet at a diner after work. He arrived 30 minutes late. Thank God I brought the latest murder mystery novel I'd bought to pass the time.

Once he showed up we both got coffee and exchange some general pleasantries. He then asked what my plans were for this evening. I told him I thought we were getting dinner, and he told me, "Not tonight babe. I blew my money on a kick ass X-box set up earlier."

He then informed me that we could go back to my place. I told him I don't do that on a first date. He then said that he understood but that it was okay because he wasn't a murderer like in my book. At that point I knew the date was over and he still asked again if we could go back to my place. When I declined, he said, "Damn I was hoping for a blow job and to stick my cock in your ass." I started laughing uncontrollably and when he realized I was laughing at him, he offered to go pay the bill for our drinks.

After 15 minutes, I figured he already left without saying goodbye so I gathered my things when he surprisingly showed up at the table. I thanked him for the coffee and he said, "No, thank you. I just had a wank in the bathroom thinking about your tits." I literally laughed all the way home. If this is what I have to look forward to I think I would rather be single.

Sincerely,

Bella the Mortified


	3. Date 2

Ch. 3 - Date 2

Dear Diary,

After the Tyler incident, I needed a couple days to recover. Tonight I had a date with Eric. He seemed nice and picked me up from work. Since it's a huge downtown high rise with over a hundred companies in it, I felt safe having him pick me up out front.

After we left my office we headed to dinner. I thought he was joking when he pulled up at McDonald's. When I realized he wasn't, I decided that his financial situation doesn't mean much and if he was strapped for cash, then it was okay. Maybe we would have a good conversation.

He ordered a Mighty Kids meal. Yes, that's right, a fucking happy meal. He then decided that the Transformers toy was much more exciting than I was, since he ate and played with his new toy instead of even speaking to me. So much for a good conversation.

He dropped me off at my office after ignoring me for the better part of an hour. I thanked him and went to walk away when he grabbed me and attempted to kiss me with his mouth wide open. I was faster and had him in a choke hold before he even knew what happened. Thanks, Dad, for the self-defense training!

Sincerely,

Bella the Disappointed


	4. Date 3

Ch. 4 - Date 3

Dear Diary,

Tonight had been the worst date yet. I met Mike at an upscale bar near work. He seemed okay at first. I mean, he's your typical blond, all-american guy.

When the waitress came to take our order, that was when the crazy came out.

He said, "Mike Newton wants a Cosmo." I laughed thinking he was kidding, but he wasn't. When I asked if he always referred to himself as "Mike Newton", he said, "Yes, but you can call me Epic."

I almost fell off my stool laughing at this point. He gave me some good bitch brow that time. I sucked down my glass of wine and told him I was leaving. He said, "You sure? If we go back to my place, I can show you why I go by Epic." I started laughing again and told him, "Yeah, an Epic Fail." I threw a 20 down and practically ran to my car.

I really hope there was someone better out there. At least I'm getting a few good laughs out of this torment.

Sincerely,

Bella the Hysterical


	5. Date 4

Ch. 5 - Date 4

Dear Diary,

Tonight was successful...but not for me. Angela now has a date for the weekend coming up.

I met Ben at a sports bar. He was very nice, polite and nerdy in a cute way. I immediately thought of my co-worker and friend Angela. After a covert text to Ang for the okay, I told Ben how I felt. I basically told him he was a fantastic catch but there was no chemistry. He was just not for me, and when I told him I wanted him to have my friend Angela's number, he agreed.

We ended up finishing our drink, had a decent conversation and got along well. But it was an interaction I might have with one of my girls' other halves, Jasper or Emmett. He was more the big brother type than a potential boyfriend.

I hope it works out for Ang and Ben. He really was sweet, but there was just no connection.

Sincerely,

Bella the Matchmaker


	6. Date 5

Ch. 6 - Date 5

Dear Diary,

Marcus was the most special so far. I almost had to call 911. Let me start from the beginning...

He picked me up from work and took me to a club. This should have told me to run but I tend to want to see the good in people. This is a problem in this case.

If that didn't make me run, his appearance should have. He was like a Jersey Shore reject with the hair gel, wife beater and fake gold chains. He also asked me if I was Italian because he only dated Italian women. This would have been a good thing to include on his profile.

After a drink or two, I said we needed to leave since it was Thursday. I had to work the next day. He agreed, since he was training to be a cop, he had to be up early as well.

We got to his car and as I buckled up he caught me off guard and started kissing me, then pushed my head in his lap. I pushed him away and told him to get me to my car now. He didn't get the hint and the douche flat out asked for a blow job. When I said no, he whipped out his dick and started jacking off, telling me how hot he thought I was. If I wasn't so shocked, I would have run but by the time the disbelief wore off, he came all over his shirt, in about 30 seconds.

I told him to drive me to my car "right fucking now" and he did, without pulling up his pants. He was so out of it from his self-love that as we left the club parking lot, he rear ended the car in front of us and the air bags popped out. Someone from the club ran over to make sure we were all okay. As we exited the car, the real police showed up, and saw him still buckling his pants. They asked for my statement, then told me I could leave. I grabbed a cab and got the hell out of there.

When I got home, there was a voicemail from Marcus saying he had a great time and hoped we could get together again soon. I may need to change my number.

Sincerely,

Bella the Disgusted


	7. Date 6

Ch. 7 - Date 6

Dear Diary,

So this date started out with some promise, until about thirty minutes in when Garrett used the bathroom.

While he was in the bathroom I got a text from him. I thought it was weird until I opened it. In it was a picture of an unimpressive dick. Suddenly he's walking very fast back to the table with a red face, apologizing to me. He said, "I'm so sorry I sent that to you. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I can't believe I sent it to the wrong person."

I was pissed at that point and asked him, "Should I be more pissed you sent me a picture of your tiny dick or that you were trying to send a picture of your junk to someone else while you're out with me?"

He just stared at me. After about ten seconds, I grabbed my purse and left. Not sure how I feel about doing this again tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Bella the Irritated


	8. Date 7

Ch. 8 - Date 7

Dear Diary,

I think I'm losing faith in men.

Tonight I went out with James. He was okay, but nothing special. We were having drinks, and after about thirty minutes of conversation, he excused himself to have a quick smoke. Maybe I shouldn't let my dates out of my sight. While he was outside, I was bored and started checking my phone for updates. I noticed a twitter alert, so I checked it.

_ James Hunter - on a boring as hell date...shoot me now!_

I left the table. On my way out responded:

_ Bella Swan - thanks for the drink. Fuck you very much! Lose my number asshole._

Rose and Alice seemed to think this was bad luck, I think I just needed to be alone.

Sincerely,

Bella the Lonely


	9. Date 8

Ch. 9 - Date 8

Dear Diary,

Tonight I made a great friend. I went out with Jake to a bar. When I met him there, I thought nothing of it but there were a lot of men there. We had fantastic conversation like we have known each other our whole lives.

It all started to make sense when Jake couldn't stop looking at the tall, dark and handsome man across the room. I gave him the go ahead if he would meet up do coffee later in the week and spill. He apologized over and over. He also told me he was not out and was sorry if he led me on. I told him it was fine and that every girl needed a GBF (gay best friend).

We hugged and he walked me out. He said he would love to do coffee as he put me in a cab and paid the driver. I can't be upset at this one because I made a friend I think I may have for life.

Sincerely,

Bella the Beard


	10. Date 9

Ch. 10 - Date 9

Dear Diary,

I was an hour late for my date with Alec at the bar. It was because of an unavoidable work emergency. When I called him he was very nice about it and said he'd wait.

When I got to the Irish pub I found him at the bar completely drunk. We said hello and he immediately asked for my zodiac sign. When I told him Virgo, he went a little nuts.

"Of course, a fucking Virgo. Lying, cheating, Virgo bitches." Just as I was about to make a run for the door, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked, "How could she do that me?"

After a few minutes, I found out that I was the first date he had been on since he had broken up with his girlfriend of three years after he found her in bed with another man. He continued to cry throughout the whole story.

I helped him close his tab and put him in a cab. I hope the next one is better.

Sincerely,

Bella the Therapist


	11. Date 10

Ch. 11 - Date 10

Dear Diary,

Finally, my girls got it right...or maybe Demetri just simply told the truth on his profile. We will never know.

We met at a little French bistro, and had great conversation while we had dinner. He paid attention when I spoke, and told me about him without making the whole conversation about him.

We had such a good time we even decided to go to a bar a few doors down from the restaurant and have a few drinks.

We both got cabs and made arrangements so our cars would not get towed. He gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and when he asked if we could go out again in a couple days, I said yes. Therefore, we have our first second date of this god-awful plan.

Sincerely,

Bella the Hopeful


	12. Date 11

Ch. 12 - Date 11

Dear Diary,

Demetri is an asshole and Felix is a creep. Who is Felix you ask? Well he is the guy who showed up for my second date with Demetri.

Let me back up a bit.

Just before I was to meet Demetri at the bar we decided on, he text me that he had an emergency and couldn't make it, but to go anyway since he sent a friend in his place. I thought this was odd but I was too curious not to go at this point. When I got there, I saw a man with a yellow rose at the bar. I found this peculiar since he should not have had time to get a flower between Demetri's text and my arrival. Again, out of curiosity, I sat next to him at the bar.  
We started to chat, but when he tried to get handsy, I told him to keep his hands to himself, and _then_ he started to cry. What is it with me getting cry-babies? He went on to tell me that Demetri does this for him often since he's so short and shy, and he has a hard time getting dates.

Let me just stop the re-telling of this fiasco and give you a description. Felix was very short. I towered above him in my 1" kitten heels and I'm 5' 3". Not only that, but he was chubby, too. Now, I'm not that shallow, but there has to be a little attraction. He reminded me of Chewy from Chelsea Handler. Felix was just Caucasian and younger.

On with my sordid tale. I told him I was sorry but not interested, and he got angry. He called me a bitch and that's when I decided to leave. Just as I grabbed my stuff, he leapt from the bar stool, on to the floor, and started screaming that I pushed him off his stool. Everyone in the bar started giving me dirty looks. The waitress was on the ground next him looking for injuries while - the bartender even asked if we needed help from the authorities. I high-tailed it the fuck out of there. That would go over well with the chief. Chief Swan's daughter arrested in Seattle for assault. Daddy would be so proud.

Needless to say, I called and told Demetri to fuck himself. I'm taking a week off after this shit. I need a drink.

Sincerely,

Bella the Curious

P.S. Now I know why curiosity killed the cat. The cat died of embarrassment.


	13. Date 12

Ch. 13 - Date 12

Dear Diary,

After my week off, I told the girls I could handle another date. I was meeting Laurent at a Starbucks near the beach so we could grab a coffee and take a walk by the water. It sounded promising.

I got there and buy a coffee, since he didn't offer to get me one. Then we went outside to start our walk. He came off as a pretty boring guy, but I decided to finish the date and hope his personality appears.

As we were walking on the beach, a group of sea gulls flew overhead and one pooped right in my cleavage. He was so disgusted he gave me a dirty look and started walking away. He left me there to walk back alone.

You know it's bad when a guy I would never even go on a second date with just bailed on the date. This is getting exhausting. Maybe this bad luck I'm having is my fault. I'm the only common denominator.

Sincerely,

Bella the Pooped


	14. Date 13

Ch. 14 - Date 13

Dear Diary,

I met Sam for dinner, and the second he walked up to me with that damn flower, I wanted to bolt.

Sam was at least sixty. Hell, he was older than my father! When he sat down, I told him I didn't appreciate him lying about his age, and he said it was okay because he just wanted to have sex with me, not date me. I told him that's not going to happen, but still he continued to compliment how I looked. Since I was getting really creeped out, I decided to tell him we could be friends. He seemed very unstable. He told me he would only be my friend if he could stick his tongue up my ass every once in a while. I'm not sure what it was with guys wanting to do kinky things to my ass but, that was the least of my problems.

At this point I got up to leave and he said, "Hold on. If you ever get short on money, let me know. I can get you a great escort job. You would make a ton of money as a prostitute."

I slapped him in the face and left. By the time I got home, I had a few messages from him ranging from angry, to pleading, to propositioning me.

I decided to let it go for now and change my number after my last date. This was getting out of hand.

Sincerely,

Bella the Angry


	15. Date 14

Ch. 15 - Date 14

Dear Diary,

Paul was my next victim. We decided to met up at Pikes Place so we could have lunch. Since its one of my favorite places, I know of a place to park that always has open spots. I sent Paul directions to my special parking area and told him what kind of car I drove.

When I pulled into a spot, he was standing there leaning against a car you would likely see in a Snoop Dogg music video. He walked over and opened my door for me and when I got out of the car, he asked me if I liked rap music. I told him, "Not particularly," and that "I preferred rock music". He suddenly got mad and started ranting about how rappers are the poets of our generation. I asked him how "fucking bitches and hoes" was poetic. He then told me I didn't know anything about good music and whipped out his dick and peed on the wheel of my car. Yes, peed on my car like a dog.

After he relived his bladder, he got in his car and drove away making the hydraulics bounce up and down like a moron.

Needless to say, I enjoyed Pikes Place alone and bought a huge bottle of water to rinse off my wheel before going back home.

Sincerely,

Bella the Pissed


	16. Date 15

Ch. 16 - Date 15

Dear Diary,

I had a date with Jared tonight. It was interesting, to say the least. Jared asked if I could pick him up, and I told him it wasn't a problem. When I pulled up, I realized it was a halfway house. He had a picture on his profile, unlike me. He looked just like his picture except when he smiled his front teeth were missing.

We decided on a bar near-by. Once we got to talking, he told me about his sobriety while drinking at least four red bulls. He then let me know he just got released from prison after serving time for narcotics trafficking and assault with malicious intent. I paid the bill, said I didn't feel good and dropped him off.

He has already left me a message saying I'm still in his heart and mind and he can't wait to see me again. _So_ not going to happen and I'm for _sure_ changing my number when this is over.

Sincerely,

Bella the Jailbait


	17. Date 16

Ch. 17 - Date 16

Dear Diary,

I emailed Seth earlier this week about a possible date on Saturday night. He said the date would be fine, but it was his birthday. When I replied we could do it another night, he assured me that he doesn't care to celebrate his birthday and would rather be out with me than doing something with his friends and family.

I agreed to meet him at the space needle restaurant after he suggested it. I didn't think anything of the fine dining experience since he was an lawyer so I figured this is the type of place he frequented.

I picked up a mini chocolate cake for him even though it was awkward to spend a special day with someone I didn't really know. After we sat down, he ordered an expensive bottle of wine and an appetizer. I only had one glass since I was driving. He finished the bottle throughout dinner. Our food was amazing he had an over-priced steak and I had an excellent roasted chicken dish. After we had our cake, the bill was brought to the table and he thanked me. I assumed it was for the cake but he made no move to pick up the check.

I couldn't believe he would expect me pick up the tab since it was his idea to go out, his idea where we would eat, and he ordered the most expensive things on the menu. I went to the restroom hoping he would have paid by the time I came back.

The check was still there and instead of the middle of the table, is was now in front of my seat. He also said thanked me again and told me it was the best birthday he had in years. In shock, I did pay the bill since I didn't want to make a scene.

Once we got outside he asked if I wanted to continue the date. I told him, "Fuck no. Thanks to you, I'm broke. Have a nice life," then got in my car and drove away. I was by no means broke but I'd be damned if I'm going to spend one more penny on his cheap ass.

Now that I think back, there was no way for me to know if it was his actual birthday. I think I was conned out of 250 bucks.

Sincerely,

Bella the Mark


	18. Date 17

Ch. 18 - Date 17

Dear Diary,

Colin gave me an address to meet him, saying he was having a small get-together and he wanted me to come hang out with him and a few close friends.

I got to the house and it was packed. I walked inside and was handed a solo cup from a teenager with a yellow flower behind his ear.

My first thought was "This was not happening." Of course it was. I was at a frat party. I didn't even think how close the address was to UW. I told him I think he was up past his bed time and went to leave. Colin tried to stop me and asked if I wanted to play beer pong. I took a sip of the beer he gave me, which was room temperature. I threw my drink in his face and told him that's what he gets for being a liar.

When I got home I made myself a stiff, cold drink. There are no good men left. Maybe I'll become lesbian?

Sincerely,

Bella the Cynical


	19. Date 18

Ch. 19 - Date 18

Dear Diary,

During this process I decided I wanted to do something better for myself. I joined a boot camp a couple mornings a week. I actually really liked getting my blood moving first thing in the morning. When my instructor said there was a wilderness fitness weekend, I thought, "Why not?" and signed up.

When I met Brady on match he wanted to meet up Saturday but since it was my boot camp weekend, I told him I couldn't. He said he would love to pick me up Sunday and take me out to lunch. I agreed and gave him the bus drop off location. I had high hope for Brady after the few conversations we had.

The whole bus ride from the Olympic National Park, I wasn't feeling so well. I had a horrendous headache, I felt like I was going to faint, and I was really nauseous. My instructor said I was probably a little dehydrated and was not used to the endurance training we did over the weekend, not to mention I forgot to re-apply my sunblock and got a pretty bad sunburn.

I slowly drank a bottle of water but I was so happy when we pull up to the drop off location. When Brady came over to me, I was going to explain how ill I felt and reschedule when without warning I projectile vomited everything in my system. I turned my head just in time to miss Brady by a few inches.

When Brady asked me where he could drop me off, I knew the date was over and I would never hear from him again. I told him take me to the ER. When he got there, he handed me my back pack from the weekend and made sure I had someone to pick me up after I was checked. I told him I would have one of my girls come get me. He got the hell out of there as fast as he could.

I ended up staying in the hospital for the rest of the evening for sun poisoning and dehydration. At least the doctor who treated me was hot. He even offered me a shower and some scrubs to change into. Too bad I never saw him again after I was admitted. I didn't even get his name.

Sincerely,

Bella the Patient


	20. Date 19

Ch. 20 - Date 19

Dear Diary,

After I recovered from my weekend from hell, I had the shortest date ever. Billy met me at a local diner for lunch. Now this guy, he was in his fifties. I told him I was not happy he led me to believe we were the same age. He apologized and then asked if we could still have a meal together. I said no.

Before I could leave, he told me I looked familiar and asked me my last name. When I reluctantly told him, he asked if I was related to Charlie Swan. When I told him that was my dad he said he knew him in high school.

On that note, I left him sitting there, and he yelled after me to say hi to my dad for him. I was totally grossed out.

Sincerely,

Bella the Nauseous


	21. Date 20

Ch. 21 - Date 20

Dear Diary,

Okay, I've said it before, but this was seriously the worst date ever. I'm officially stopping at my twentieth date.

I went to meet a man named Phil for a date at a trendy sushi restaurant. When I arrived, I saw the profile of the man through the window and was immediately sick to my stomach. Since we only communicated through email, I wasn't aware of what I was getting involved in.

I called my mom and asked her where my step-dad was, and she said he had a late meeting for his job as a baseball scout for the Mariners. I told her to trust me and come down to the sushi restaurant immediately.

I hid myself off to the side of the window and waited. When my mom showed up ten minutes later, I told her why I was there and pointed into the restaurant at him sitting there with a yellow flower on the table.

I apologized profusely and told her I didn't know. She told me it was okay and that she had been suspecting something wasn't right recently. She told me to wait outside.

When she went inside Phil jumped up when he saw she was the one walking toward him. She must have asked him to leave with her, and when they got outside, he saw me holding the yellow rose, and just looked down to the ground. He told me he was sorry and asked my mom if they could go home to talk.

My mom called me later and thanked me. She and Phil had a long talk, and for now, he moved into their guest room, and they were going to go to counseling, and see if they could work it out. If it didn't work out, they would be separating for good.

I feel so bad for my mom but I'm glad she found out what Phil was doing behind her back. I'll never look at him the same either way.

Sincerely,

Bella the Melancholy


	22. Date 21

Ch. 22 - Date 21

Dear Diary,

I have a date tonight and I'm extremely nervous. I thought I would settle my nerves by updating you on my life.

First off, It has been six-weeks since my last date. I have deleted my Match dot com account since I almost dated my step-dad. Also, I had my number changed so I no longer had to screen all my calls, it's also unlisted.

Second, Ben and Angela are doing great and spend all their free time together. They both thank me profusely for introducing them.

Third, Jake and I have become great friends. He now has a boyfriend named Paul, he's a sweetheart. No, he is not the same Paul that peed on my car at Pikes Place. With my encouragement and Paul's support Jake has come out and is re-building a new, different relationship with his family. They were shocked but have excepted him for who he is.

Fourth, My date will be here in 30-minutes. I'm nervous because he is Alice's cousin that moved from Chicago to Seattle six-months ago. If this doesn't go well, future group outings could be awkward. I'm going to finish getting ready and I'll be back after my date.

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OH MY GOD! Alice's cousin is the hot doctor from when I had sun poisoning. I had an amazing time getting to know him. We didn't do anything special.

This date just made me realize, it's not what you do on a date but who you date that makes the difference.

He picked me up at home. We realized we had already met but figured we didn't make the connection because he knew me as Isabella and I never got his name in my delirious state in the ER.

Hot Doc then took me to an Italian restaurant, where we had an incredible time getting to know each other. I learned he moved here to be closer to his parents since they all made the move while he was in medical school. His mom wanted to be close to her sister, which is Alice's mom. He is an ER doctor. Never been married, and hasn't had a serious girlfriend since undergrad. We also found out during our conversation that we were both on the same page and wanted something serious, not a fling.

He arranged for us to go see a movie, but let me decide what we would see. I felt like laughing, so I picked The Heat, it was hilarious. We were having so much fun we went to have a few drinks and talk some more. I had an unbelievable time and can't wait for our lunch date on Wednesday.

I have a good feeling about Edward the Hot Doc!

Sincerely,

Bella the Excited

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_A/N: Today is my birthday and the best present was to click complete on this story, Thanks Dawn!_

_I wanted to thank Fran AKA TwiLighT7242 for being my beta for the first 21 chapters and Dawn AKA Twi-Mom12292005 for being my pre-reader/beta especially for the last chapter. _

_You can also Thank Dawn for my decision to do a sequel since she is going to beta it for me. I'll let you all know when the first chapter is up._

_Hugs,_

_Amanda_


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